Kindness is the one who is often most forgotten, but it is one of the most wonderful gifts I have ever received. The best gift that you ever gave. It heals wounds, brings people together and reminds us that we are more similar than we think. Sometimes it is easier to be cold and distant, but vulnerability is a gift.
Give love, have compassion, stay true and be kind.
Hi Baby!
This is our brand new blog!
For just the two of us. Im new to this and not very good – so please be supportive and write back.
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Hello Baby how are you today?
I miss you lots. Mondays are always so hard for me.
In more ways than one.
The highlight of my day is always to talk to you.
Love you
Rubbie
Mentaiko mondays ??
Hello Baby,
I did 10 modules today.
I am exhausted. I miss you very much and wish that I could spend every waking second with you.
You are the love of my life and I am with you till the end of the road.
Forever,
Rubbie
Hello Baby,
Merry Christmas 2019!
We made 10 years together.
When I think of acorns roasting and chestnuts popping, I think of eating smores with you.
I love you.
Mele Kalikimaka.
Rubbie
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Hi Baby,
I am in Room 2906 of Four Points Brisbane.
I love you lots and wish we could be spending our precious Christmas break together.
Christmas was always special because it meant I got to see you and spend time with you enjoying our few special days in summer, being magical together.
Love you lots.
Rubbie.
To a new beginning with fluffy r watching over me. May angels east and west watch over you as you rest.
281219
Today my baby left me.
I do not ever remember ever feeling this sad ever before.
My usual eloquence has even left me.
I am speechless.
I am so so sad.
My heart literally hurts. My chest actually aches. I thought heartache was false. It’s true. And it hurts so so much,
I will always love you Gennie. Please come back to me as soon as you can.
Rubbie.
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Yesterday my sweet pea left me. I came home to an empty pod. One that I will keep warm and clean and tidy for her until she comes home. No hurricaneness. Gosh I miss her saying that to me. My pod is so empty and sad. But I will guard and tend to our pod because that’s what she wanted. I love her so much and every second is so hard. Our pod. Is empty without her.
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Hello Princess ?
What a pretty crown you have.
Did you see any nice crowns in your window shopping today?
Love you lots.
Your Prince.
Rubbie.
Unfortunately no ?
Happy New Year Darling.
Will you be there by my side when I’m old and grey?
Happy new year piggy ?. May 2020 be a good year 🙂
I wish we could be seeing in 2020 side by side. Chest to chest. Heart to heart. We were always just so close.
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Morning Sweetpea.
I don’t know what to say today. I genuinely feel sad and lonely. When I cannot talk to you it is incredibly upsetting. I worry all the time. I wish you could just share your plans with me so I don’t have to worry needlessly. If I had trips planned would you want to know? I truly don’t want to call you only to find your phone is switched off and I don’t know where you’re flying off to. That would upset me incredibly. I guess if you still have love for me could you please not scare me and worry me and share your plans with me.
Darling, be well. Be good ok Darling, be good.
You too. Be the Captain America I know you are inside ?
Dear Darling,
I miss you very much today. Everyday in fact. I yearn for the day when you call me and tell me you’re coming home “Rudy I’m Back”. Those sweet sweet words of hope and promise bringing me back from the edge of oblivion and desolation.
I love you.
Come home soon.
Rubbie
They say love is subjective.
That means what I love, I must truly love more than anything else in the world.
And I love you, Eugenia Chee Yan Ip.
Rubbie
You’ll always have a special spot on my heart, mr yellow elephant house ?.
Have you been studying hard?
Today I went shopping to see if I would find a new outfit for first day of work 2020. Im hoping it will be a good start. Theres 2 fellows, and I am scared that she will just be so much better than me. Oh well – we can only try out best and be the best person we are!
Brisbane will be so sunny. Im hoping my face doesnt become too dotty. The hydroquinone was an attempt to be prettier, and I had been too scared to tell you 🙁
We almost had a dog named smudge.
We still can.
The bears who would never leave each other behind.
Waiting for you to come home. X
Till the end of the road. XX
To Mintaka and beyond. XXX
May we see the world from a different perspective in 2020. Hawaii from birds eye was one of the most beautiful things i have ever seen.
I know you will be missing kobe this weekend. He’s not far, always in your heart.
What module are you studying now? I learnt the anaphase, telephase… And salicyclic acid allows penetration due to the ph 🙂
Hi Darling.
It has been exactly a year today that Kobe passed on. I believe it was 111am, January 11 2019. I miss him like crazy everyday, and would give anything to spend an extra day with him watching the sunrise and sunset, giving him tummy rubs, extra head pats, gentle scratches behind his ear, and stroking his chin gently after he’s eaten his beef.
I can’t believe he passed away. Part of me wants it to be just a dream, only for him to come back to me when I wake up from my sad dream.
Exactly like you and I.
My modules are progressing.
As you know I have been doing Immunology, which I have recently completed.
I will start doing Microstructure of Skin, and then concentrate on completing Pharmacology, as Pharmacology needs to be completed by the end of May 2020.
As for my primary exams, I am trying my best to study everyday.
Your encouragement would mean the world to me, a hand written letter in the mail would brighten up my day and steel my cause tremendously.
I find your studying interesting as its things I would want to know too! Eg which skincare product would penetrate the best :).
Cheese cheese glorious cheese ?
Banff 2014.
Grizzly Bear Fondue House.
Emmental, Swiss, Brie and Camembert. Walking home in shorts and a t shirt. Traversing the glacier in Havianas.
I guess if you want free laser and lifelong Dermatology care you will have to stay in my life as my significant other.
How is the Propaira going? Have you been using the shampoo and serum and taking the medication?
Did you take it to Brisbane?
Did you take the cash out of your red money packet or you kept it in there for good luck?
Did you go to Q Pilates last weekend during your visit to Indooroopilly?
Everything you gave me, I value.
May we be the friend that Snoopy was to Charlie Brown ?
The Snoopy Tag is from the House Party T Shirt I bought you from Kauai in 2017. Is that right?
Did you eat the seaweed crackers that I put a post it note on yet or are you saving it as sentiment and not to be eaten?
Did you convocate in Bangkok ASC last year? After I was omitted from Vickie’s wedding I am fearful that you intentionally convocated without me and I am the stupid idiot left behind.
After reading through the thread I realise my posts are much longer than yours. It seems rather one sided to me.
Please keep your promise to me of daily posts and daily photos on watsapp. It is the only link I have, to know that you still care for me enough to give me your time.
I wait for your daily photos and posts. When I do not receive them I am incredibly sad and feel neglected and left behind.
You promised me you would never leave me behind. Which now you have.
You promised me daily photos and posts. Please keep your promises.
I do not know when you are going to Hong Kong.
Please remember to let me know when you are safely there and back. And please keep your promises to me.
You do not know how much pain I am in.
I had a dream about you last night.
You were sitting cross legged.
You had red undies on, but for some reason it was pulled down and I could see part of your vagina.
You still had a bit of hair. How you used to have that small cute strip above your vagina.
You stood up, put your arms around my neck, pulled me down towards you, and gave me a kiss.
Not just any normal kiss, but one of those special kisses with your tongue pressed forcefully against mine, with the weight of your body and the urgency of your attraction focused on my lips. You kissed me so affectionately, it felt so genuine, that for that moment I remember what it felt like to hold you in my arms again, to be held in your warm embrace, and what it felt to be in love and be loved by you again. I was so happy that moment. I wish it would never end.
The amazing thing is. Even in my dream – I knew to myself, this is only a dream, and this is not real. I guess this is how deep my pain has penetrated. That even in my subconscious, the pain provides me with insight that my dream, no matter how happy it is. Is only a dream.
Sadness prevails everything. And I wake up desolate, devastated, and ever more neglected.
I’m not sure if you will ever understand. I am in this alone. And I wish you could still at least talk to me when I am drowning.
I have often thought for this blog. Should I write things which are cheerful only and superficial. Things which are uplifting.
Or honesty. Share my true sentiments with the one person who knows why I am where I am. The one person who can help me get out of where I am. The one person who can lift me from purgatory and prevail into the sunlight.
I choose to be honest.
This blog has only two contributors.
And we are here for a reason.
I hope your posts can share with me your day and your sentiments too.
Because. I know I am in a maelstrom. And the tempest is winning.
Honesty is a good thing. I guess we fell apart due to lack of honesty.
Howard was a scared little boy at the start. However, like all things, it gets better with time. He blossomed, maybe not to be the bravest boy as he still barks at everything…but he grew.
Im looking forward to us growing…so we learn to be ourselves again. My favourite photos are of us when we were smiling and truly ourselves.
Did you have peppermint tea today?
May we always be honest, loving and gentle, so that we may find solace in our embrace.
May we work hard and grow together, to be proud of each other when we meet.
After all this time, no one knows me like you.
You are my best friend, and my number one for a reason.
As much as I love peppermint tea, I love you so much more.
Be safe, my love. Upwards and onwards to the next stage of our journey together. Fly safe today.
May Brisbane be kind to us.
May it’s warmth rekindle our love, and reunite us once again.
I’ll always love you.
Rubbie YEH
(Yellow Elephant ? House)
I often feel Howard and I have much in common. We are both scared little boys on the inside, looking for warmth and love from the one beautiful soul who can keep us safe.
Deep down I’m still that lost little boy looking for you to lead me in life together and your hand to hold to give me direction and safety.
I love you.
Thank you for loving both of us and giving us both sanctuary and helping us both to grow up.
We both love you immensely. Deep down I know I will love you forever. In fact I knew that from the first day we met, and I knew within a month of meeting you that I wanted to marry you. Deep down I know you know you are the love of my life, and we are destined to be soulmates forever. You took my breath away, and still do everyday.
Freckles freckles freckles.
Ive been very gassy today. Think it was my quest bar…
What did you eat today?
Hi Darling,
Remember to start using sunscreen everyday on top of your moisturiser and makeup. The Brisbane sun will exacerbate your freckles and hyperpigmentation, please use the special Dermatology sunscreen I bought you. Let me know which one suits your skin type best, and we can continue using the best one.
No more hydroquinone please. If you want to try a new product please consult me first, I will help you to the best of my ability.
Quest bars are high in processed carbohydrates and artificial proteins. Both of which make you feel bloated, and gain weight due to the high sugar content. The artificial proteins are hard to digest, which explains your gassiness and occasional tummy cramps. I would suggest natural low fat Greek yoghurt – Evia – as your go to snack over Quest bars, which along with healthy ocean trout, would suit your Pescaterian diet.
I roasted some potatoes last night, with some olive oil and garlic. I have been practising Hasselback potatoes for when we next meet. I have been eating a bit more carbohydrates as I am losing so much weight unintentionally.
I have erupted in a pruritic rash all over, worst on my back. There are small vesicles too. I hope it doesn’t get worse. I remember last time you had a rash, I took you to SAN Private ED, and we saw that Private Dermatologist during the crazy Christmas period when it was so hard to find medical attention. I’m glad we got you fully recovered together. Now I am alone it’s harder with everything.
I like the morning photo watsapp message and the afternoon / evening blog message. It gives me something nice to wake up to, to face the day bravely and something to look forward to to get me through the day. As you know, your messages are the highlight of my day and the only thing that gets me through each day, which still continues to be a daily struggle.
I love you lots. And hope you are settling into Brisbane well. Are Santa Rubbie and Unicorn Rubbie there by your bedside still? Did you take the photo frame from the Moana that I gave you from Melbourne to Brisbane too? Could you send me a photo of your bedroom setup so I can imagine how you are? I look at all our photos everyday. I wish they could come to life and we could relive each special moment over and over again.
How’s your rash today? Is it allergies or bedbugs given you had a holiday recently?
Ive been reading about pores. What should I do about my nose blackheads?
Your chip adventures are cool 🙂
I was lying down on a wooden picnic table after running in Centennial Park. My back, posterior arms and calves have broken into a rash, the areas in contact with the wood. I suspect it may be papular urticaria. It was incredibly itchy, unfortunately I scratched it which drew blood in my papules. Two days ago vesicles started developing.
For your blackheads. You can use the pore remover strips once a month. Any more and you predispose yourself to seborrheic dermatitis of that area.
Yes there is a cream that treat blackheads and reduces pores. I will give it to you in person. Unfortunately it is a Dermatologist only prescribed medication.
Do you still love me and am I still in your heart?
Can you text me please when you get to HK? I miss those cute nospacetexts.
It was normal postage – should arrive today or tomorrow. Ive looked for my receipt and Im not sure where I placed it as I was moving/packing…
You also dont answer my qs, i asked about your rash as i was concerned. Sometimes i just dont feel like talking…but i am already trying my best with being supportive to you during this transitional period and would appreciate not being dismissed or ordered with a list. It seems a waste of a blog that we end up writing lists and list answers.
I havent tried lamington chips – was it tasty? Does it have a coconut crust?
Hi Darling,
The package didn’t arrive on Monday. I hope it arrives on Tuesday.
I didn’t buy the lamington chips when I saw them. I will buy a pack and we can enjoy it together as part of our ongoing chip adventures when we next meet. Have you seen the lamington chips before?
I hope you are well. I miss you lots. Did you have nice airplane food? Were you on business class? Love you. Please feel free to share with me multiple photos of what you see and do in HK. You used to send me cute photos of things that you see during your day that you know we would both like and be meaningful to us both. That would be so nice. Are you going to another country from HK? So exciting.
He was always so indignant. Always. Just like you i guess…although I dont know if he ever liked pina coladas!
Never tried, only heard them advertised on radio and hence wondered if they have coconut on top ?
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Are you enjoying your time at home? I miss seeing your happy with Grandma at yumcha photos.
Theres a virus going around China so people are a little anxious and in masks etc.
Ive grown up never feeling like i really belonged anywhere. Its hard feeling lost all the time…even hk isnt really home.
Hows glenda and work? Any good excisions? You’re v good at skin stuff – i said it from the first operation we ever did 🙂
I really like chinese desserts…its meant to be part of a chinese meal. Soup to start *some herbal benefits…and dessert to finish as its nourishing.
What did you eat today?
I just want to curl up. And for everything to be different, like as if it was all just a bad dream. Ive had a long think about it and I think I need to see a psychologist. My anxiety (I cant sleep at all and my hair is falling out in chunks) and bulimia is really difficult.
I hope you are well. I found your salicylic acid ph thing very interesting. You are right in that you’ve achieved more than I ever thought I could achieve or have achieved in my career. You inspire me and I’m sorry that my career has been nothing compared to the strides you’ve made in the past year.
Trust is a difficult thing and its been something I’ve struggled with for a long time. I guess its not easy as I never had much of a sense of belonging even as a child…. and you truly were my world before it all disappeared. I am sorry that my “checking out” has hurt you and it is something on which I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting to ensure it doesnt happen again. I know I often run away from my problems as I feel so inept at coping with them, but unfortunately adult problems don’t really go away. Even though often I felt like I was looking after you, I know that you looked after me too. Thank you for being there – my life would not be the same otherwise.
Ps. Have you got my parcel? Or did it get thrown out 🙁
Thank you for reading my watsapp message on Wednesday January 22 at 804am.
Do you have any more thoughts that you would like to share with me that would help us move forwards in an open and honest fashion?
No new thoughts. Just thinking a lot. Couldn’t sleep….so tired.
Some issues have been pressing on my mind that I really need to communicate with you about in person.
The lack of communication and avoiding to address pertinent issues was a big part of why we struggled in the past.
I do not want to repeat the same cycle so am being open and honest in wanting to communicate in person. I hope you can be the same.
My face, esp around my eyes, is peeling after using the avene lipid cleansing oil. It stung a bit but i thought it was meant to…used for a few days without issue….now im peeling. Stings. I dont go out as im so embarrassed as i cant even put makeup on. Cakes around my deadskin + stings. What should i do?
Let’s video call tomorrow. I can treat you best if I can see what I’m treating.
How does your 8am my 11am sound?
Let me know and I’ll call you on watsapp video call.
Is your face getting better? Please post, it’s been several days. Can you mail me a postcard and a care package from Hong Kong before you leave? The parcels help my morale so much.
Have you spent much time with Grandma this visit? Any plans for the next two days?
Im trying
But i just feel so much hurt.
I never broke a promise.
What do vampires cross the sea with?
Seahorse.
How do you start a teddy bear race?
Blood vessels.
Happy birthday kobe. Im sure he’s watching over you.
Omg. So simple yet so true. How did I not see that. That is such your joke. Same as the readit readit, bok bok bok. Take care, keep warm, and don’t get caught in the rain x
How did the teddy start the race? Bear crawl? I can’t think of it.
Ready
Teddy
Go!
Thats a good one. This is fun – not allowed to look answers up!
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
Because they are stuffed 🙂
My eyes are swollen.
happy v day
thank you.
i havent relaxed in a long time
hope study has been going well.
uni has started again….so its like we are both studying together in parallel universes. im trying to stay motivated although its hard. lost a lot of hair, developed new white hairs, cant really sleep and spend my night just awake looking around.
have a good day tomorrow. see you later alligator.
boo
boo moo loo poo
falalalalalala
hello yellow elephant house. love the round brown bear.
doop doop doop
good luck with your studies :). no gym or bball distractions
“hey bud”
hi to my dearest friend.
to a new moment, of fresh starts and happiness. may this change bring us peace.
what did the big flower say to the little flower?
You’re a little petal ?
hey bud 🙂
do you know what 50 cent did when he got hungry? 🙂
I miss when you would write me or tell me things about your life.
My fragile bear.
It hurts me too, more than you realise. Im not a cold souless person. I reminisce all the time of all the moments, I fell in love holding hands and looking at the stars on the curvy roads to Bangalow. What we had before it was ruined was truly special. It is irreplaceable.
3am ramblings.
I hope you are sleeping. May angels east and west watch over you as you sleep.
what did the pirate say when he turned 80?
6 months
I woke up in a panic this morning. I had a dream about the hotel, police and embassy. I felt panicked, devastated and humiliated. It happens on a regular basis. I wish you’d see how much your actions have truly hurt me.
Dear Gennie,
I am truly sorry for my actions and the consequences they have had on you. I often think back to myself and wish that Hawaii had ended differently, so that our relationship may be positive now. We faced a realisation point in our relationship, and I wish we had come together and recognised it as an invaluable chance to address our issues, grow even stronger and ever closer in love during a critical time, rather than allowing external issues to divide our love for each other, which was always the most singular and beautiful bond we shared. As you said, “what we have is truly special.” 3am ramblings.
There are many episodes of our Hawaii trip which bring me pain as well, on a daily basis, not just during my dreams, but every waking moment.
Hawaii was incredibly painful for both of us, and I want to stress that in no way am I turning this into something about me.
Good or bad, it is something that only we shared, singularly unique to our emotions and relationship.
I hope one day, the beauty and magic of Hawaii will allow us to grow stronger from that awful day.
I hope one day. We can see that day for the value and the opportunity that it brought us.
That we recognised there were issues we could fix, and we use that chance to constructively address our issues, rather than ignoring such a special opportunity that we have been given.
The intensity of the emotions we felt for each other, was reflective of the love we have for each other, and still have to this day.
Although I am incredibly hurt on a daily basis, I still see Hawaii positively, as yet another special bond that I have experienced with you and only you.
I have only felt such immense hurt with you, because I have only ever shared such profound love for you, with you.
You are someone who I loved, and I still love to this day.
Things have happened, things will happen.
I call that life, and we are only human.
I hope one day, we can return to Hawaii, as the place that we fell in love together.
There’s a reason Hawaii is special. There’s a reason we fell in love in Hawaii, and you wanted to marry me the first morning we woke up there together in 2012.
I will never forget the reasons that made Hawaii, Hawaii.
I will never forget the reasons that made Gennie, Geenie.
Things happen. Things will happen. That is life. It is not reflective of our love for each other.
How we choose to respond to each thing, will determine our longevity and personal growth into mutual understanding and positivity.
Again, I apologise. I can never change what happened, but I can acknowledge the hurt I caused you, and fix the issues that hurt you, so this never happens again.
That I can promise you.
All my love.
Rudy
do you like pina coladas 🙂
Thank you – for everything you have done for me in the last 10 years, for the journey we have had, for the ups and the downs. As you say, it has made us who we are and I thank you for the part you’ve played in my life.